hidden fear

As I could remember, I only had 3 times going to a photostudio to take a self-portrait. 3 times is solely enough to justify my interest in picture taking.

Just because I don't own a good face to be manifested and stuck on the photo prints.

Ah. Don't ask me why?. I'm loving this shot. Hope I could make a pose like this one. Just too absurd to let it happen.

seeing you near me

We frequently see each other in our workplace, catching ourselves ignoring as we passed by in the hallways. I even wondering how friendly you are with all of my officemates but except me. You didn’t throw any little smile everytime we meet.


I feel for you and I firmly know you don’t recognize it, or maybe you have the hints about the way I am with you. But I know I act naturally, I don’t place myself to show any signs to you, and it would be hard enough for you to know it.


and who I am by the way, to waste your short time to mind about it? I didn’t deserve for you to notice me even just a look in the eyes.

You seem so far away for me.

I can never ask more than from these. Seeing you is enough for me to be contented. I feel happy everytime I catch your shadow.

Whenever we meet, I am too distant to be recognized by you.

I understand because you don’t turn your attention to anyone to be admired with. You love your girl. I can’t refuse myself not to believe and understand that she’s your everything.

Yeah and I was like you before, but the difference is I thought I could not see someone else other than my ex-boyfriend that very long time…..


but I was wrong.



and I am patiently hoping you will commit the same wrong thing like mine.



only if God permits.

whatever..

Currently Listening to : ONE WAY ROAD by OASIS

i'm beginning to appreciate theprodigy band now. They have good music and the kick arse beats too.

another thing, ragnarok musics also give me the taste to like it.

i have the complete copy of them. sounds good really.

got to like "letters to you" by Finch esp the acoustic version of it. someone introduces me that song and it's good really.

"inspector mills" song is also boosting my courage to take up violin course in our school. I will really take that course. Hmm maybe if I get to finish my studies and after that, I'll get in to enroll that. I am really sure about it.

someone lends me the effort to play "tell me where it hurts" by mymp in guitars.

i requested it and he patienly played it. Nah! he is my very good friend .




I am missing someone. Never mind.

fires up... but when?

someone's looking for my current webby and he forced me letting him see it. Though it's not yet done coz I am still waiting for a new domain ( I decided to finish this after I get one domain name for me).

So this is it.

FULL VIEW

AFK

I am planning to leave away with my keyboard due to my hectic days for the prepation of our incoming major event in our school. But at this moment, my fingers are rushing to tinker with the keys directly typing my blog site. I can't handle myself not to blog.


I am doing for something.
Yeah, I need to finish that.
I am already running out of time.


Argh. I better take it nice and slow.
Good pm to you.

If I were her..

My friend is forcing me to post this song that truthfully relates me a lot this time.


Don't mind it if you don't like reading those lines.
Kinda weird.

?

I am deeply thinking about something.
I know something that I don't understand.
Something that is hard to undestand
Something that is hard to accept
in which I don't know how to accept it.


Do you think I can still be able to understand and accept that something?

contemplating

I am deeply thinking about something.
I'll get back when I am done.

especially for you

Currently Listening to : Especially for you by MYMP

I don't wish for him to read my blogs. It's not anymore an important thing to me. For as long as I see him now and then, that completes my day.

I don't want things to be happened again, knowing how I have gone through a lot of confessions with the other persons involved when it comes to mushy things I had with someone before.

and this time, I know I can only be his lurker until he's gone. It's so soon for now that possibility will happen.

I may be missing him for the moments of seeing each other here. But still I could consider him someone who gives a spark to my world after darkness.

I was telling to myself to never fall inlove again.

But this time, I am falling without someone cares to catch me.

Charmus!

If WWII==RTS

feel free to laugh with these

there he goes

Currently Listening to : YOU AND ME by LIFEHOUSE

There he goes again floating on my mind. Yeah, I rather let him gliding beneath my imagination. I know we can never be more than friends and I am not expecting for it.

All i know I am just so happy and contented for just having him near me. Seeing him that fine and that's it.

But if I need to choose of the possibility of winning him.

I think it won't happen. He doesn't know and he doesn't even care for me.

I am just an invisible feminine specie who is surrounded by just to look him in the eyes.

call me stupid what hey! what can I do about it?. I am just a girl lurking at the man's existence. Yeah I do have this feeling of being inspired from just seeing him and thinking about him.

I am motionless when it comes to do the move. I am tamed. I can't. I am just surviving living with that thoughts of him. It makes me smile. I am happy.




Gaddamit. I'm inlove again. *sigh*

my profession

i was asked by the admin if I am pursuing to finish my study before 2006. They know how interested I am in serving their institution. I am happy working with them.

It is just that, it seems they are not encouraging me to finish it but instead telling me the things that i will be doing if I'll decide to resign.

i don't know why it came to a point on the resignation.

Where in the first place, I am doing it (to study) for the benefit of myself and for the institution as well

yeah I was expecting that they would urge me really finish my study.

I don't know maybe I am just overreacting.

learning is forever

Learning is continuous. Learning is a two-way communication. Learning is everywhere

but for me, I think I have learned the things that I thought I couldn’t have those knowledge anymore.

I thought of giving up of the possibilities of failures.

I don’t even care to what the “experienced” people have to say matters regarding learning.

Once I am failed. I am discouraged.
and once I succeed. I feel nobody appreciates.

That was before.

and now, as the year drifts away, I am slowly bouncing little by little until I came up all the knowledge I craved.

self-study is more effective for me.
complains make me stupid.

I love complaining but I realize I can do nothing if I will tolerate myself in yammering.

… and it ain’t working at all to make me more productive and efficient.

once I find certain things that are confusing & tiring to do
I am executing myself to find a kind outlet to let it flow.

that is the part of learning.

not a part of being dependent
not a part of being spoon fed
not a part of being unreasonable
not a part of giving excuses

it’s really awful a lot of people fail to realize that
they have millions of words but tens of actions.

and with that, it only makes me smile if I caught people complaining unreasonably.


They svck.

the "about me"

someone asked about who is that person that I am pointing to in my ABOUT ME section of my profile.

I said to him "you know exactly who that person is?".

Grin.

weird eh?

I was thinking of what I have said one night with some of my friends concerning about my lovelife.

I remembered I said “I have no time for love these days, it seems I don’t look for it and even wait for it…. it seems nothing…My mind sets on my work alone and that’s it”

but wait, this time I think I slipped.

Yeah. I think something sparks which I don’t what is it.

I don’t even know to with whom?

I don’t even know what makes it spark?

It’s weird. It is just like I feel inspired.. not entirely about my work

but about with… I don’t know.

Gezz! weird eh? maybe I am just so much excited with the upcoming event next month.

What am I saying? so what?

hehehe. don’t mind it folks.. I am just getting weird everyday…

But .. it feels good you know..
ahhh! weird me.

It was your mistake...

stepped out in our homie so early so that I can be able to beat the traffic jams, and yes I did it.

I came to school so early and with fresh mind and in very good mood because of the morning weather brought me.but ei! my smile went into disaster as it's like a my eyebrows met and my anger flared up inside.

yeah flaring up my anger beneath makes me feel sh!t and what's the worst thing is... I was trying to sway the anger for a short time for the sake of my class but I was tasting them my devilish image infront.. I was not really in the good mood ... but on the lighter side I was able to gain a good instruction just this hour ago.

I was stopping my anger.. I wasn't smile for the rest of the hours ago. Though my students are trying to make me smile but I was just taking a deep breath and continue what I was doing.

The anger burst silently inside, I don't want to make any conversation at all with someone whom the reason why I acted like that.

It was that someone's fault but still that someone insisted that someone is "Right". Hey! I know my status here but do accept your faults sometimes.

People are fond of pointing other's mistakes but failed to point mistakes of themselves.

Even me I do admit I am wrong and I think that's a BIG deal anymore on how sincere you are with others.

Anyway, what the good thing is, When I went to my next subject, I see how happy and smiling all around my students are.

And it made me smile for now. Like this :) :) :) and like this :) :)
*sigh*