*sigh*

[ENCRYPTED ENCRYPTED]

I decided to remove the previous contents of this post...

I recovered this post from my previous blogsite and I think this is the ONLY thing that's left with me now. Too bad to say but I have already buried all the things you gave to me and I'll keep this one here in my blog just to remember how you became a part of me.

Thanks once again and Congrats on your wedding !

just a while ago

I have heard from my friends about this certain person who's saying as in claiming that "I was head over heels inlove with him". My friends were not believed to what he's saying. He still insisted that I did fall for him a lot that no one can hardly try to imagine.

I was shocked because I could still remember how he used to gave me all the stuffs disclosing his hmmm "feelings" towards me and how I reacted with that *raise eyebrow*

It was long long time ago actually, but just a while ago those statements were flying over the ceiling trying to kick ma arse forcing me to accept it.

That's crazy you know? and when my friends confirmed the truth before they told me, knowing he's doing it to several women around that he sees, they already knew that he is somewhat an idiot-creeping-off-the-floor-begging-women-to-get-him.

I say it. Coz that's really ridiculous!

But of course, I was just smiling all the way. I mean I am still gentle on reacting those kinds of foolishness you know.

madagascar

I saw this movie just a while ago and it's quite boring... maybe because it wasn't really my intention to watch movie today. But because it's too hell sunny to go home so I rather spent the rest of the hours watching it and I was really bored, I mean the story is boring. Though I am quite enjoyed with the penguins but the whole package never saved my pay to be worthy enough.

*sigh* or maybe because my mind is set to the other dimension not to the movie.

Thank God!

Yesterday, I undergone an ultrasound procedure with my mmmm two hmmm (what?! *curious*) lil breast *nyahahaha lil?* and while we were waiting for a call, I am so afraid, afraid if something might be detected again. When my name was called i slowly went to the room and pray to God for guidance and a good result.

I didn't ask the doctor to let me see the monitor though he *what? a HE?* kept on talking anything that he is seeing.

He uttered "there's nothing" and I am so happy and he said the lumps are just those normal breast tissues and he even pointed the scars *because I have already endured two minor operations* after being diagnosed slight tumors in it.

I am bit afraid knowing breast cancer is rampant these days, my mom is afraid more that's why she insisted to have a proof.

and the result is negative. I am happy but still I have to be careful with foods that I am eating and the stress too it, affects so much with the health.

I owe these things to God. Thank you so much Lord.

Put a cross by which one that applies to you

(_) snuck out of the house (nope i can't do dat considering ma mm bahaha)
(X) gotten lost in your city (yeah knowing I was lurking the other bound of the city, I was lost in the opposite bound... ano raw?)
(X) seen a shooting star (that happened once but i didn't wish :P)
(_) been to any other countries besides the Philippines
(_) had a serious surgery
(X) taken a shower with a member of the opposite sex (bahaha I am thinking to deny this)
(_) kissed a total stranger
(_) hugged a total stranger
(X) been in a first fight (a first fight? hmmm maybe a first BIG slap to a someone nyahaha)
(_) been arrested
(_) done drugs
(X) had alcohol
(_) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(_) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(_) made out in an elevator
(_) swore at your parents
(X) been in love (bahaha ewan!)
(X) been close to love (yeah! of course ngek!)
(_) been to a casino
(_) been skydiving
(_) broken a bone
(_) been high
(_) given someone a bruise accidently
(_) skinny-dipped
(X) skipped school (when I was in my 1st grade to be exact nyahaha)
(_) flashed someone
(_) had oral surgery
(X) seen a therapist
(_) done the splits
(X) played spin the bottle
(_) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(_) bitten someone
(_) been to Niagara Falls
(_) gotten the chicken pox
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex (oh yeah! of course! poor me if I haven't)
(_) crashed into a friend's car
(_) been to Japan-the shop
(X) ridden in a taxi
(_) been dumped
(_) shoplifted
(_) been fired
(X) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (it's normal)
(_) stole something from your job
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher (bahahaha.. my college teacher knows this after i graduated nyahaha)
(_) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
(_) been to Europe
(_) slept with a co-worker
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(X) seen someone die
(_) been to Africa
(_) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(_) Been to Malaysia
(_) Been to Thailand
(_) Been on a plane (gawd! never! )
(_) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(X) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been snowboarding
(X) Met someone in person from the Internet
(_) Been moshing at a concert
(X) been in an abusive relationship (a what? abusive?)
(_) lost a child
(_) done hard drugs
(X) Self Harmed
(_) tried killing yourself (nope! never)
(X) taken painkillers (hahahaha once a month eh)
(X) love someone or miss someone right now (oh yeah!)

hahaha.. there you go! i have just gotten this one from my friend's blog somewhere in friendster.. nyahahaha.

that day

When I woke up early in the Saturday morning, I felt slight pain in my lower tummy. I was wondering why it brought me that situation and all I did was ignore the pain since it was bearable.

Hours passed, the pain worsen. I don’t know how to handle the pain since it’s not anymore new to me. Before, I used to tolerate the pain as much as I could but this time as the minutes drift the pain kept on terrifying me.

I lied in bed and sacrificing in taking the terrible pain. My back ached, my hips, my legs and my stomach ached hard. I was thinking what to do, I want to take medicine but I don’t want to coz I am afraid of taking medicine that is not prescribed by the doctor.

I strongly knew that I can bear it. I certainly knew.

But it wasn’t. It makes my body shiver and I’ve got cold sweat and mind you friends, in our house nobody knew what’s happening to me in my bedroom. I was crying because of the pain and after long minutes of playing with the pain I decided to take the risk of taking a pain reliever. I’ve got nothing to do but to do it again.

I hurriedly went out and took a medicine and went back to my bedroom and I was counting the minutes for the medicine to take effect.

But the time elapsed already and the pain got even worsen. My stomach was also urging to boost the pain more. I was feeling like my stomach and my lower tummy collaborating each other.

I got up and I felt like I wanted to vomit.

and I did vomit… heaving all the ewww! yuck! oz! inside and I saw the solid capsule and perhaps that’s the reason why that medicine was useless.

After that, I took another medicine (imagine another-500mg-hard-to-swallow capsule) and took a relax and the pain subside and gone.



It’s not easy being a girl. This always happens once a month.

*sigh* killer dysmenorrhea

untitled

Currently Listening to :
40 KINDS OF SADNESS by Ryan Cabrera
EVERYTHING AND MORE by Billy Gilman

did i say untitled?

Music truly makes our tired body and soul to unwind. I am so addicted to music. I can't stay in a place without music. Even in commuting, I am spending most of my time to look for a jeepney that plays music.

Hehe. Weird.

please

Currently Listening to: UNTITLED by Simple Plan

next time please do your tasks. Don't throw all those stupid assignments if you can't make it. God! it's been couple of years and yet you didn't start to make it? and here I am being given all those pending works of yours to be done?

what the heck?!

mean girl?

What if, you want to get the attention of the stranger what will you do?

Whatever your answer is, that’s not what I have encountered last night with a girl. While we’re all waiting for the tricycle to be loaded, there she came and suddenly tap my hand while I was looking at something, and asked sarcastically “is that a 5 peso coin that you’re holding?” *I was thinking she got a bad mood that time*. She doesn’t recognize my face knowing it was dimmed and I was sitting before her and I didn’t try to hold my head facing at her. I was looking straight as if I didn’t hear anything.

heck! it’s bad to ignore her knowing she was expecting for my answer. What I did was I lend my hand with the coin over her silently. All I can feel was we touched our fingers to exchange the coins and that’s it. She didn’t even care to say “thanks” and how would she dare to do that, she didn’t even tried to say “excuse me” in the first place.

Well, why do I acted that way? I should have asked “why?” and “no way!”. But of course, I should be gentle to grant what she wanted.

While on my way to our home, she dropped first and I saw how big her two-story house is and I see how beautiful she is as I stared at her while walking through their gate. She’s sexy, the hair, the outfit, the height, the legs (because she was wearing mini skirt) and how I see those cars inside, and she dared to ride a tricycle just to annoy people?

Well, people have different attitudes but that one really undesirable. She doesn’t possess the richness inside. She’s somewhat mean to anyone. Maybe because of the way she treated a stranger like me.

And yeah while the asking happened, other people inside the tricycle were shocked, and she’s lucky enough she got the right person to pissed with.

now that is so mean right? but for me hahaha she sux!

vacation

This is my last week for my summer class and I'll be taking my vacation next week at Camiguin Province for our family reunion.

But recently, I'm so annoyed with the things happening to our new office.

I knew why

I received a call from you informing me that you gonna come to our house to get something. As abrupt demand, you didn’t take that call to give me signal before hand so that I can prepare myself facing you after long months of absence.

Why should I have to prepare? I am prepared and buried all the things already.

You came in and I see how you happily saw my parents and my sister. I am letting myself to shut up and do the things that I am doing and even wondering why you came? I am thinking of the moment you declined my parent’s invitation to join for a celebration and how my grandma wanted to see you that day and then you’re here for just to get something? that “something”?

I wasn’t talking much, I silently gave that “thing” coz I know that’s the only thing that’s left between us and you owned it. It must be yours and I already understand that. But the fact of showing me the reason is new to me.

You rushed and didn’t bother to eat and what I have prepared the foods for you were all useless but left myself to ate again. *just to grant a reason of my effort*


And now you’ve gone out of my sight, I begun to tell myself “You lied again” . I know the exact reason why you came in not because of the “thing”. My brain is still functioning perfectly and just the moment you gave me a call I already knew why.

but you refuse to say it, coz I know you. You are the person who used to hide things, and I respect you for that. I can do nothing about it and I don’t have any right to dig about it anymore.

Yeah, I do hide something but it’s no worth at all to let all these things to express. I know how terrible we part ways. We left questions unanswered it’s mainly because I refuse to talk about it before. I don’t want more explanation from both of us. We are letting things to fade and that’s it.


You’re dominating your pride, and you still didn’t change that.
God Bless you

new place

Before June we should finish transferring our things to the other building of our school because of the incoming guests(hahaha) visit. The place is so new to me. But I think I am gonna get over i-don't-really-like-this-place feeling and well what else can we do but follow what's written on the documents, and shut up.

On the good side of it, I have to learn managing myself on living different places in our area. I know there's no such thing to be implemented if it affects no good for all.

last night

Last night, I was chilling due to my stomachache yesterday. It was so horrible. i can't even find any reasons why my stomach hit that way. I can't explain the pain. It seems that the throb was new to me. I didn't bother to take medicine because it was tolerable but it resulted me to shiver my whole body. So weird and I am bit afraid.

When I got up this morning, my head ache hard. Argh! I really don't know what's happening to me. My stomach is still not normal as I feel it until now. I am hoping the chilling won't come again tonight or else I have to consult my doctor.

i'm back!

Duh! for MORE minutes and now I AM BACK? heck! I can't forgive myself not to blog. It seems blogging for me is a habit, and it becomes my passion (what's that WORD again?). Passion! Oh Passion why do you point your existence to blogging? why not in the thing that I always wanted in my whole life?

I am talking to this one . It's stupid to think that I am wanting to divert my whole attention to anything new. But this one got me. Got my big 'awe'.

Going back to blogging, I don't know if my posts affect some people's lives (wishing it could be MORE people's lives) considering the hits I gained for now, not to mention that I am doing more browsing with my blogs and I even disabled comments because I don't want to hear more comments from anyone. (or just nobody would care to shout out Hehehe).

I am satisfied already if you are patiently reading my blogs and it's a BIG gladness on my part. Thanks.

Blogging change my ways, Hahaha. Other than online chatting, this medium has always been an ultimate reason why I always caught myself kicking the internet.

Even a 25/hour internet rate (which is very expensive for me nowadays hihihihi), I have learned to spend the rest of the hours to lurk with that internet cafe. To admit I don't have any internet connection at home coz my mother doesn't want to take it up coz my self is so hard to be disciplined if facing the computer and surf.

I even remember before when we still have internet connection at home. I went to sleep at about 2 am and work early at 8am. Just imagine how my health got affected because of that. *how's your health now?* I am ok now and fully recovered.

and since I was advised not to spend to much of my time facing the computer that's why having internet at home is not a neccessity anymore. My needs are minimal. So I think spending money for the internet cafe is ok for me.

And with that, I can control myself. Waahhh! i remembered during my first year in college where 90/hr internet rate was ideal for me just to get hooked with chatting. Anyway, that was long long time ago.

Got to go, someone is calling me to go out..... Hahahaha out for a meeting. :p

idle for more days for sure now

I will be out for more days.. Yeah I say it "MORE". Just to stick all my time to my pending works. I have loads of pending works.

LEX 141 is now stalking me again? Did I say that? or am I the stalker? Well, anyway whoever the two of us is, I don't know. Hahahaha.

*leigh please stop popping THAT THING in your mind* what is that THINGY btw?. *just stop thinking about it.* Oh! Yeah the "it" thing or the other " " thing? :D

bye for now... 'til my next post. ;)

This is one of my possessions. You are thinking of something that I am usually doing when the lights are off. *grin* Well, clear desktop right? you even don't see any application opened in the taskbar. Go! see it. Hahaha.

These are the CDs I hmm borrowed from a friend (since I don't really like Local artists).Well, after i heard all the songs from Jed Madela I guess I have to get a copy of it. Hahaha. Nina's voice really makes me choked.*YOU! YOU! are so GRIN!*

This was taken somewhere in Damosa Lanang, Davao City. Hmmm 20 meters aways from our homeplace.

Still at the lanang area, actually this was taken last sunday and my plan was to take a pic with the tallest tree in the city which is located 5 meters away from this area. I was so tired so I wasn't able to reach that place.

This is inside the village. This is where I recently live. When you get here you have to take 15 meters before you reach the first house. The edifice on the left side is a rent-a-car business which is also owned by a residence in this village. :)

I am still praticing my skills in photography. Weee! I hope these things make a good idea that I did a nice start.

he doesn't read coz he doesn't know

Yeah! he doesn't know my blog address and even doesn't know that I blogged since before. Ozzz! just as if he reads. Haha. or if he really knows my blog *wapak!* he still doesn't care with all the stupid posts in here.

But you? why do you care constantly checking my blog? *pointing to nobody* :P

bladiba diba!

I don't think of any things except my work. I must think about it. Lots of things to do. June is fast approaching.

*sigh*. Belated Happy Mother's Day to all Mommies (huh? mummies?) out there. *grin*

Your mom misses my presence now. She told me last night. I don't want to inform you about it coz you might be missing me too *raised eyebrow*.

Hehehehe just incase you don't read my blogs... as if talking to you eh? hehehe

Oh well! forget it!

lonely no more

Currently Listening to : Lonely No More by Rob Thomas

Do not change. Be the same person that I used to know. Forget what happened. I am contented just seeing you around. Just be there near me, don’t go far away that I may not be able to reach you. But if you choose to leave, don’t forget me and I hope I can still reach you, and you can still hear my voice saying I am missing you.

If you get too far, do give you best to reach me with a simple note can do, just to let me know you’re there you’re there watching over me.

I promise I won’t forget you. I will give all my best to reach you too. Just before you knew it, I have been watching you already, sending you my words every single day.

It is just that, you don’t care to take a look on these signs.

I am happy seeing you happy. Whatever makes you happy I am gambling myself to give a way to understand and accept it. You got my words for that. Trust me.


You said true friend doesn’t leave you no matter what. But for me, you are not just a simple true friend but a very special friend that only resides my heart. Hearing each other’s voice within makes a sense of a true friendship.



And I hope you may be able to define the right meaning of it and feel the same way I do.

Currently Listening to : Bella Baby by CHINGY

I don't know if I still have an excess of respect with my older sister. Last night was the time the devil rose from the hell.

Got to play the game this time.

Ah!. sorry but I can't forgive myself not to do that.

It's nice being bad again.

Currently Listening to : 40 oz by EMINEM

Recently, I am bringing a whole bunch of strength giving myself a hard time to break. Strength that supposed to move on, but as I take my life to budge forward, there is something that silently stops me to fix the pieces that dispersed on the ground.

I have hurt someone, I was thinking so much for myself and I became so unfair.

No way to bring back, not again anymore. I have submitted myself to finally cling to a new side of life, the kind of life that I never tasted.

It’s hard to lay myself surrounded by confusions and uncertainties and living with it all alone.

I can’t take any belief that somebody would understand me… I am just one of the misunderstood people. I am not forcing anyone to understand me. I can live with it coz I have greatly learned to live with it.

Sometimes, I get to imagine if I got all the right moves I take. The intentions are real. Just to have someone to listen and someone who would truly try to understand in the end. There were instances that I’m letting somebody to think anything wrong about me.

Just that nobody really understands me.

But, why do I easily understand you?

I don’t know.

The new side of life, is to rather keep the things inside of me. No more words at all. Silence can make a way for it. Silence makes me deem deeply all alone in the bench.

I am a pretender. I can’t shout asking for help. I can’t force myself to cry. I can’t say I am hurt. All I can do is to smile.

I want to change my life, I am tired of living this way. People are so complex, and hard to please. I accept that real fact, and thank God I still be able to accept that.

I am playing my emotions, coz I am used to it for a long time. But, I have no regrets with it…, indeed I am a survivor. Surviving and breathing the illusions of life.

Yeah, hurting someone causes me pain in the end thinking how terrible I am with somebody’s existence, but on the other side I am free… free to live life alone in despair and happiness.

It depends on how you handle your life. The way I relate all things around me, I am sure. I am certain that doing the bad things won’t make me a bad person.

Through it all, I am sorry for causing you pain and doubts because of me. Im hoping one day, you will taste what I have already tasted and you will see what I was needed you to see through me.

I have realized, not to take things for granted.

I watched Kingdom of Heaven with a friend last night. Well, that's my mood when I find a certain movie that is worth to watch over and over, I spare my enough time to take a peek of it again.

*sigh* I had fun watching it just can't resist to adore Orlando Bloom. What am I doing? Nah! never mind.

Am i coming back as what I have stated with my previous post for making this idle for a short while?

Heck! I love blogging, my day is not complete if i cannot blog something that I want to rant about.

Ozz! sue me of just knowing that I can make an untitled post which I have longed to do it since before. Just right this moment .

Want some KFC go-go? *grin* It was supposed to be mine but you ate it! Arrrggggh! Hehehe

I watched KINGDOM OF HEAVEN last night, it was a 2hr-25 min. movie. The story was nice, that was my first time to appreciate an epic movie. I don't want to tell you more details about it. So should better watch it. I am so touched with Balian's decision on the last part for giving up Jerusalem.

Orlando Bloom is really HOT!. Bwahahaha!

days of absence

I'll be away for days and this blog will be idle for a short while, 'til my next post peeps. *mmtt*

I miss your smile

Yeah! it's true, I really do.

after what happened

One day, after what happened that last night with ex boyfriend I went to the school to relieve for a while (well I just want to get full relief because im quite so annoyed) and all I did that day was to smile with my friends around. and when I decided to go to the mall to have something to eat suddenly someone offered the effort to say to come with me. and so I let him. while we were on way to the mall he promptly told me “chai we need to talk” and I was stunned with his low toned voice and asked him “ about what’s that again huh?” and he said “il tell you as soon as we get to the mall” .


We went to the mall to repair my cellphone before we ate, and while we were waiting on the bench I asked him about it. and then he told me everything letting him to blast of all his anger.

Well, it has something to do with his friends. His friends think different against him, they judge him negatively and I was just responded like “ hahahahaha ows really?” and asked “ is this your first time encountering these breathing devils in the world? “ and laughed. He smiled and answered “ yeah and Im not used to it” and I delightedly told him “ welcome to my life bro! bwahahaha” and we both laughed.


Seriously though, I told him about my idea of what he told me. He was like “yeah!’ agreeing on why care people who do nothing but screw you up with those false claims about you… hey! don’t forget that you know yourself better than others and even if you have tied the great friendship with them but still with what they did to you is not the essense of friendship anymore.


I just can’t figure out guys think differently than girls. I know they don’t want arguments that’s why they left themselves to be silent. That’s right because they’re not worthy of your time, don’t get affected infront of them (unless it is true) what I am saying is don’t go down to their level.


For me, I don’t trust people with that kind of attitudes. They fully spending the rest of their time lurking at you and even eat the power of your battery calling and texting you of all those bullsh!t words!.

Hahahaha… Patayan gusto mo? joke

Well, I know he will overcome this… maybe at this fresh times he is still in the mourning period and that will always be initial… I let him heal for his self and hoping he will learned with that I said unto him.

Mind you, someone who owns the most intellectual mind who possessess the weakiest part of him.

Nobody will make you weak only your parents.

for the last time

It was 8:45 pm last night when I was urging myself to get out of the house and go over to the downtown (which will take 20 minute-ride from our place) and have to log in to blog what happened to me just that minutes ago. unfortunately, that was the exact time for the whitelady to roam and have fun around the streets. so I remained my feet to stuck hardly on the bed.

I decided to be detailed in here because I want to disclose how terrible it brought to me.

I was alone in my bedroom listening to the radio and suddenly my sister forwarded her text from my ex bf saying DECRYPTED words addressed to me. I sense something that makes him mad which I don’t know why? and with that text I can feel how he still hates me until now.

I was hurt, I admit it, coz all the while I thought everything is ok and everything that happened was bound to be forgotten, I am working on my own and we know we both don’t care each other anymore. and there with that text?

I didn’t know what to do, I was really hurt… I just cant take someone would place an anger on his self because of me…. I really needed someone to talk that night, even just someone to listen.. and I texted my friend, I was affected with the question he told me that I seemed to be so upset with what happened.

I don’t have the move to feel the ache but I am neglecting everything about him. He is vanished in my mind and I am forcing myself to look at the other point of making myself to think about.

My ex texted me the most same message with my sister but he did a change on it. He lied!. I know he lied! he terribly lied just to make me believe! he was pointing not the same person as he promted to the message he sent to my sister.

Damn! why? why does he need to lie after all? Because he is ashamed if he has to tell the truth? I know he lied! That’s so horrible!

im hurt just because he dared to lie! and because of that I am awfully mad at him. I am so weak to accept the fact that he honestly lied.! he doesn’t love me anymore coz he has already gotten someone after me. I don’t care if he owns somebody now. So you may say I am guilty with everything that I am talking here but honestly im not.

I did the right move and that is the consequence. but the question is why does he need to lie? is it the only attitude that I didn’t know about him?


fvck it! you see? (why not go over him girl and give a full blast slap on his face?) duh! why do I have to do it? in the first place, I can’t. it’s not the right way to do. Even if how stupid the situation is .. I am still THINKING.


No! I think blogging is the sure way to burst the devil in me this time. I can’t do something about it. All I need to assure with myself now is to certainly know that I am totally OVER him. There’s no way to bring back all over again! If only I can permit God not to meet us again but He knows everything for me I can’t get a control on that.



whatever it is… the couple of years… I think I have wasted the time. I met the wrong person!and with that, I have regretted all the things. Sue me! he didn’t fight for me after all.

am I more stupid and more bad person for concluding myself on thinking about that?