Currently Listening to : 40 oz by EMINEM

Recently, I am bringing a whole bunch of strength giving myself a hard time to break. Strength that supposed to move on, but as I take my life to budge forward, there is something that silently stops me to fix the pieces that dispersed on the ground.

I have hurt someone, I was thinking so much for myself and I became so unfair.

No way to bring back, not again anymore. I have submitted myself to finally cling to a new side of life, the kind of life that I never tasted.

It’s hard to lay myself surrounded by confusions and uncertainties and living with it all alone.

I can’t take any belief that somebody would understand me… I am just one of the misunderstood people. I am not forcing anyone to understand me. I can live with it coz I have greatly learned to live with it.

Sometimes, I get to imagine if I got all the right moves I take. The intentions are real. Just to have someone to listen and someone who would truly try to understand in the end. There were instances that I’m letting somebody to think anything wrong about me.

Just that nobody really understands me.

But, why do I easily understand you?

I don’t know.

The new side of life, is to rather keep the things inside of me. No more words at all. Silence can make a way for it. Silence makes me deem deeply all alone in the bench.

I am a pretender. I can’t shout asking for help. I can’t force myself to cry. I can’t say I am hurt. All I can do is to smile.

I want to change my life, I am tired of living this way. People are so complex, and hard to please. I accept that real fact, and thank God I still be able to accept that.

I am playing my emotions, coz I am used to it for a long time. But, I have no regrets with it…, indeed I am a survivor. Surviving and breathing the illusions of life.

Yeah, hurting someone causes me pain in the end thinking how terrible I am with somebody’s existence, but on the other side I am free… free to live life alone in despair and happiness.

It depends on how you handle your life. The way I relate all things around me, I am sure. I am certain that doing the bad things won’t make me a bad person.

Through it all, I am sorry for causing you pain and doubts because of me. Im hoping one day, you will taste what I have already tasted and you will see what I was needed you to see through me.

I have realized, not to take things for granted.